Expectations, You Say?
By Tsunma Kunsang Palmo • 2 min read
When I first came to meditation, I really thought I had no expectations. But when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to or how I expected them to, I started to see that what I was doing was counterproductive to allowing my mind and body to settle.
This whole process of allowing the mind and the body to settle for me, particularly, was challenging. I had spent my life up until my mid-30s when I started meditating, putting a lot of effort into whatever it was that I wanted to do. I was one of those who fell into the extremes of putting in either all effort or none. And so meditation was just like that. I thought to myself, “Right, I’m here. I’m in Asia. I’m living surrounded by Buddhists, surrounded by people who are meditating,” and I really wanted just to jump in there and get it all.
The learning process involved seeing my habits, making friends with those habits, and realizing that trying harder and putting in that extra bit of exertion was so counterproductive. And in that process – it was quite beautiful because I had to really slow down. I had to really have self-compassion. I think it was the first time I learned to have patience and try a different approach to the challenges I was facing. And that took time and still does take time. I feel that a lot of where I went wrong with my meditation was not just “the view” — misunderstanding of what I thought the practice was — but it was also on a very visceral level. My body was all about doing, all about activity, all about really trying, really exerting in a very subtle way.
I remember, after quite a few years of working with these practices, sitting in a taxi traveling the often bumpy roads of India and thinking, “Okay, you know, I’m out and about. I’m off for the day and don’t have anything to do. I’m not in a stressful office situation.” I could just feel so much tension and tightness in my body. So, learning to relax on a very deep level with all of that is not something I have ever done in my life. Learning to work with that in meditation and allowing that to be an opportunity to do that was just really wonderful. It’s an ongoing process.
This the excerpt from Joy of Living webinar.
Tsunma Kunsang Palmo serves as a guide for Tergar’s Joy of Living and Vajrayana Online courses, the Tergar Meditation Teacher Program, and is a faculty member at the Tergar Institute, which offers experiential and applied courses in Tibetan Buddhism, following a meditative curriculum created by Mingyur Rinpoche.
Learn meditation under the skillful guidance of world-renowned teacher Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche at your own pace.
There’s an inextricable relationship between our minds and our external world. Whether we perceive our environment as gorgeous or hideous, useful or a hindrance, neutral or deeply meaningful — it all depends on what’s within us. If you can perceive it, it’s happening in your mind.
Deadlines, competition, pressure — the concept of “burnout” to describe a sense of nervous exhaustion has been around since the 70’s, but never has the feeling of burnout been as prevalent as it is these days. In a situation that’s demanding too much of us, it’s natural to experience burnout. Still, there are certainly a…
“Fifteen or twenty minutes of formal, seated meditation a day to anchor and develop your practice, and then – since you can’t always be sitting on a cushion in a nice quiet room — plenty of informal meditation throughout the day. Repeat as necessary…ideally, throughout your life!”
If you enjoyed reading our articles, please join our mailing list and we’ll send you our news and latest pieces.
2025© Tergar International. The Tergar logo is a registered service mark of Tergar international.
