Self-Esteem Meditation, How to Improve Self-Esteem
By Tergar Staff • 8 min read
It’s really important to have self-esteem — we hear that a lot, and we might believe it, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. Sometimes when we try to believe in ourselves, dark clouds of doubt or even self-loathing gather. Sure, it’s possible to fake confidence, but what is the trick to building genuine self-esteem?
Right now, right here, your true nature is wonderful, pure, and perfect. This is true regardless of what kind of person you are, what social class or categories you might fit into, what gender or race you identify with, where on the map you come from, or what your past history consists of.
But merely being told that this is the case is not enough, of course. To build self-esteem, you need to know what the good qualities within you actually are. And there are so many of them! To start with, you have wisdom, love, and compassion. You have knowledge, skills, and powers. Some of these capabilities you’re aware of, some of these you take for granted, and some you’re not conscious of. In all probability, you don’t have a realistic sense of how truly capable you are.
Our fundamental nature is good, yes. But most of the time, we are tossed on waves of desire, craving, anger, pride, ignorance, and jealousy. “I’ve got to get a better apartment. I’m desperate for cash. My boss doesn’t see that I do his job better than he does. I have no idea how to fix this relationship. My best friend always has someone, and I’m still single — it’s not fair!”
In Buddhism, these powerful emotions are referred to as “the five defilements” or “the five poisons.” They influence our behavior, creating untold suffering: problems in our relationships, depression, panic, lack of self-love, physical disease, and problems for the environment, too.
Nope! Not at all. It just proves that we’re only familiar with these poisons. Our minds grab these five defilements and stick with them. That’s because we don’t know how to access the deeper, more profound levels of our consciousness. Your mind is like a lake of pristine water. There are ripples and waves on the surface, but beneath that, the water remains pure. The real quality of mind is pure and pristine: it has awareness, genuine love, and compassion. The poisons, the negative emotions, exist only on the surface. This is the Buddhist way to view your true nature: seeing wisdom within the defilements.
“You are not the limited person you think you are. Any trained Buddhist teacher can tell you with all the conviction of personal experience that, really, you’re the very heart of compassion, completely aware, and fully capable of achieving the greatest good, not only for yourself, but for everyone and everything that you can imagine.”
– Mingyur Rinpoche –
Here is one meditation technique to go through defilements and out to the other side:
The answer you get first may be from the surface level, from desire — for example, “I want enough money to feel secure; I want a wonderful partner who understands me; I want to get up and make lunch.”
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“This technique of going in and out of meditation — traditionally referred to as “short times, many times” — is often illustrated by the example of drops of water falling one by one into a large empty bucket. It might take a long while, but in the end, the barrel will be full. Doing informal meditation while you’re working will increase your productivity and the quality of your work; at the same time it will develop your spiritual practice, improve the health of your relationships, and benefit your physical body, too. Altogether, a win-win.”
“Trying harder and putting in that extra bit of exertion was so counterproductive!”
When we have committed to the path of meditation, we tend to impose this desire for consistency on that, too, so should we experience any sort of dip in our meditation practice, we feel uncomfortable, dissatisfied, insecure — all those bugaboos start vying for our attention.
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