IT’S DECEMBER AGAIN — the season of holidays, family gatherings, special meals, gifts, and long-held expectations. Often, without even noticing it, a quiet thought slips in: This should be a happy time. 

And sometimes it is. 

But sometimes it isn’t.

Life, as Mingyur Rinpoche reminds us, moves like the waves of the ocean. Up and down. Smooth for a while, then suddenly choppy. No wave stays the same for long. The holiday season is no different.

Because when expectations are high, even small things can feel big. A comment lands the wrong way. A gift doesn’t feel quite right. Someone drinks too much. A familiar argument reappears, right on schedule. Or perhaps there’s grief — someone missing from the table this year.

Expectations and sensitivity

When we expect things to be a certain way, the mind becomes very sensitive, scanning for what’s missing or incorrect. As soon as we think, This isn’t how I imagined it, tension follows close behind.

You might notice it in the body first. Tight shoulders. A heaviness in the chest. The mind chimes in with its commentary: This should be better. There must be a problem. Something is wrong.

Or maybe it’s the endless holiday planning. What gift should I buy? How many? How much should I spend? Will it be enough? Craving, worry, disappointment, aversion — all taking turns at center stage.

None of this means you’re doing the holidays “wrong.” It means you’re human, and the holiday season is complex!

Awareness: the first step

So what can we do? Rinpoche suggests starting with something very simple: awareness.

When emotions arise — excitement, irritation, sadness, longing — can you notice them? Not to fix them. Not to push them away. Just to be aware.

Right now, think of a recent holiday moment that stirred something in you. As you remember it, what sensations show up in the body? Warmth? Tightness? Restlessness? Numbness? Knowing those sensations is awareness.

Thoughts will also appear. Planning thoughts. Judging thoughts. Old stories replaying themselves. “Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada,” as Rinpoche puts it. Awareness doesn’t argue with them. It simply knows they’re there.

Awareness is like a guest house. Thoughts, emotions, sensations, expectations — they all arrive as guests. Some are pleasant. Some are loud and inconvenient. But none of them are permanent. Let them come. Let them stay for a while. Let them leave.

When awareness is present, emotions don’t have to run the show.

Love and compassion come next

The second step is love and compassion, and it starts closer than we might think.

Why do we prepare for holidays at all? Because we want to be happy. We want things to go well. We want connection, ease, and meaning. At a deeper level, there is care.

Take a moment and notice that wish in yourself: I want to be happy. I don’t want to suffer.

Now look around — at your family, your friends, even the people who frustrate you the most. At a deeper level, they want the same thing. They may express it awkwardly or imperfectly, but the wish is there.

Seeing this doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone. It simply means recognizing our shared humanity.

From that place, love and compassion can expand naturally. You can silently include others in that wish: May you be happy. May you be free from suffering. No need to be dramatic. No need to force warm feelings. Just a gentle recognition.

A different kind of holiday

Practicing awareness doesn’t mean the holidays suddenly become calm and flawless. Emotions will still arise. Expectations will still sneak in. Old patterns may still visit.

But when awareness is present, you have more space. More choice. You’re less likely to be swept away. You listen a little more. You react a little less. 

In this way, the holiday season becomes something different. Not a performance of happiness, but a living practice.

December 2025