IT COULD BE SAID that we are “living the full catastrophe,” a phrase coined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, as we move through middle age. It seems like anything that can happen already has – or is about to. Whether it’s caring for aging parents and growing children, letting go of young adults as they leave home for the first time (maybe not the last), coming to terms with career choices, or coping with changes in our own bodies, minds, and identities, middle age offers us with infinite opportunities to practice the life skills we learn through meditation – and to find meaning in the ups and downs of this stage of life.

I met Mingyur Rinpoche and learned to meditate when I was 39 years old, with a preschooler at home. That preschooler is now preparing to go to college. I wanted to learn to meditate in order to regulate my nervous system and be a better mother. When I was 42, I managed a drug-free, “natural” childbirth with my daughter, using my meditation practice and the wisdom of impermanence as my support. I was both humbled and empowered by what my body was able to do — and what my mind allowed — on that day. For the past 15 years, I have tried to do my best as a mother while letting go of expectations and allowing the space to fail, but never giving up. As a parent, the idea that we can practice meditation for short times, many times, anywhere, anytime has been a saving grace. I can hear Rinpoche’s voice in my head saying, “Just allow and let it be…in the allowing is the compassion, and in the allowing is the forgiveness.” I think of this every day — as a parent, as “Ms. OK” to my partner of 20 years, and as a social worker.

I appreciate the fact that I have always enjoyed my work and it has given me a sense of purpose. I spend my days as a therapist sharing the view of innate well-being and how to notice the “OK with not OK” that is happening all the time. I often help my clients find meaning in their work, their suffering, and their day to day lives by bringing compassionate and playful curiosity to whatever they are facing. My clients work in classrooms, boardrooms, barrooms, and the Bar Association. I have been able to offer ways to recognize awareness, compassion, and wisdom in these settings and many more. I love being able to practice with my clients and introduce them to the Tergar view.

Being part of the Tergar community has brought a deep sense of connection and meaning to my life. My teachers, the teachings, and the friendships I have made have sustained me through difficult times and provided the opportunity to recognize the joy of living in any circumstance. I really can’t imagine what these past 15 years would have been like without Tergar and my practice.

Doing appreciation practice while driving the kids to school, or listening to the sound of them talking or laughing together, always brings a smile to my face. Noticing the sensations in my body while discussing challenging topics with my husband gives me space to consider if I am responding to something in the present or reacting to something from my past. Taking a breath while helping my mother order groceries reminds me to be patient — that this time with her is impermanent. Watching birds and butterflies out my kitchen window invites me to rest, even if only for a moment. Remaining present while a friend’s heart breaks and seeing expressions of kindness and compassion from the people around me makes me feel more connected and less alone in this fast-moving world.

Recognizing the reality that there is no solid self has been the greatest gift of my practice. This realization is the foundation of my fledgling belief that change is possible, that healing is possible, that underneath all of the bad habits and traumas is a person full of possibility. Now I experience my nervous system in a different way — from a place of compassion and understanding. I am able to be with sensations — pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral – that I have dissociated from my whole life. This feels liberating even though it is tough sometimes and I am inspired to see what comes next. How nice to be able to surprise myself after all these years. How meaningful!

August 2025