Working with Resistance
By Tergar Meditation Community • 3 min read
It happens to the best of us. You don’t intend to sweat the small stuff, yet you wake up in a grumpy mood, or a plan you were looking forward to gets canceled, and you’re abruptly flooded with disappointment. Is there a way to work with these resistant feelings as they arise, without waiting for that time you have set aside specifically for meditation?
Most meditation traditions, and also most Buddhist teachings, address these very questions: how do we work with life? How do we work with our resistance and turn it into openness? The reason we struggle so much in general is, in large part, because it’s so difficult for us to be mentally flexible with whatever comes at us, especially if it doesn’t feel great. We dig in and recoil, with a feeling of, “Oh no!” Resistance is the basis for a lot of the issues that we have, when we’re basically not willing to let ourselves be open to a given situation. You could even say that resistance is what causes us to be anxious, or to be frustrated, disenchanted, or whatever it might be.
The main point to remember is that a fundamental quality of awareness is spaciousness. You can imagine it as literal space, outer space, with all the events, thoughts, feelings, and circumstances of your life arising and dissolving in that space like stars, planets, and galaxies. The nature of space is that it’s able to accommodate everything that arises within it. No matter how many blazing supernovas, colliding asteroids, or suns burning out it might contain, space itself is never harmed. Likewise, resistance is one of the things that arises within awareness, but awareness is the bigger picture. So it only follows that to the degree that you identify with the various changing, moment-to-moment ups and downs of your life, you’ll feel that resistance. And to the degree that you can touch into the quality of spacious, accepting awareness, resistance is naturally dissolved. Whatever comes at you will be workable and flexible and, most importantly, you’ll see the situation in its proper perspective.
When you recall this spacious quality of awareness, if you’re a little bit frustrated or grumpy one day, then it’s fine. It’s just what’s happening . . . the mood that monkey mind woke up with that day. The way to work with these blips of resistance is to remind yourself again and again, in and out of meditation, that awareness is spacious enough to accommodate both a grumpy monkey and a happy monkey.
“Resistance to change puts us at odds with reality, and this creates never-ceasing dissatisfaction.”
– Mingyur Rinpoche –
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Is formal meditation—sitting quietly in an upright posture for a dedicated amount of time—the type of meditation you should prioritize? And if so, for how long at a time? And how many times to meditate a day? Or is it more important to learn how to meditate anytime, anywhere, in any circumstance?
“This technique of going in and out of meditation — traditionally referred to as “short times, many times” — is often illustrated by the example of drops of water falling one by one into a large empty bucket. It might take a long while, but in the end, the barrel will be full. Doing informal meditation while you’re working will increase your productivity and the quality of your work; at the same time it will develop your spiritual practice, improve the health of your relationships, and benefit your physical body, too. Altogether, a win-win.”
As a beginner, if keeping your eyes open during meditation is too distracting, it’s fine to close them. And, as your practice progresses, you may encounter particular types of meditation that involve visualization, in which case, having your eyes closed can be helpful. Generally, though, in Mingyur Rinpoche’s tradition, you are encouraged to meditate with open eyes. If you’re unable to do so at the outset, it’s recommended that you practice it a little at a time until you find it comfortable.
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